Thus I Wrote

You're never alone, if you've something to share

Posts Tagged ‘death

I Vow to Live it Well

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I had a dream. I was on an escalator taking me into the future. I could not get off. Or go back.

My fate, my destiny was fixed. At the end was darkness. I was glad to wake up.

My challenge in the present is to distract myself from that paralysing vision. To live the best I can….for as long as I can.

I have my relationships, those I love. These are my priority.

I am “retired”. But I choose not to accept this as I feel that to be alive means I must add value. I must make things better. I must fix things. I must reinvent myself.

I’m creating a home. I’m learning a new language. I write and compose music. I travel.

But I yearn for more. I am restless for more.

I consider the problems of the age – Inequality, Housing for the next Generation, Climate Change, Innovation, Productivity, Communication, Politics and Democracy. Can I help create a new Politics? Can I help reduce Inequality? Can I help produce new Climate Change policies? Or are all these but distractions. In the end I am on the escalator. In the end I will add little value except perhaps to those I love.

I have dark days. I have good days. But what is life without struggle?

I remember a line in my song “We are Not Alone“…
“ I did not plan for this but now I vow to live it well”.

Written by thus.i.wrote

March 1, 2020 at 1:07 am

Posted in Prose

Tagged with , , , , ,

I’d Nearly Died

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I was slowing down
I slept at wrong times
I forgot many things
I forgot my lines
And then I awoke
With you by my side
And a blinking blue light
…I’d nearly died

I remember being wet
They cut my pants off
I faded in and out
Many hours were lost
In my head was something
It was growing inside
My behaviour changed
…I’d nearly died

From friends and family
A love I didn’t expect
I ordered my affairs
For what might come next
I was glad to wake up
I shivered on the slide
I’d bled too much
…I’d nearly died

Then came steroids
Not much sleep at all
But very dark dreams
I passed out in a fall
The hospital staff
Helped as I tried
As I recovered slowly
…I’d nearly died

Too much to say
Too intense and raw
Over days and months
I struggled with it all
But you were there 
You held me when I cried
As you struggled to cope
Cos I’d nearly died

Written by thus.i.wrote

September 21, 2019 at 11:48 am

Posted in Poems, Poetry

Tagged with , , , ,

Black Mantilla

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Black Mantilla Artwork

You’re in a black mantilla by my grave
In the black dress bought from money you’ve saved
You’re in black sunglasses dropping tears
You’re oblivious to quizzical glances here
Now throw in your red rose
To finish your design
And I’ll love you forever
…In the memories I’ve left behind
And I’ll love you forever
…In the memories I’ve left behind

You’re in a straw hat as the waves they pass
You’re drinking Rosado from a beaded glass
You’re in black sunglasses hiding your fears
You’re oblivious to admiring glances here
And the breeze it carries the sun
As the boats begin to dance
As the stars align one more time
…You have one more chance
As the stars align one more time
…You have one more chance

We acquire knowledge,
And we pass it on down the line
We do what we can
As we pass through time
Even with our backs against the wall
There’s still hope for us today
We have no answers
But we still have stuff that we can say
And I know we have no answers
But we still have stuff that we can say

We love each other
With our beautiful fractured hearts
We need something to hold onto
We need someone’s hand to grasp

Written by thus.i.wrote

June 6, 2017 at 9:28 am

The Mansions of the Dead

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Mansions of the Dead 1932 by Paul Nash 1889-1946

I awoke and rose above
The detritus of the night
Half-remembered dreams
In the anxious half-light
I heard silent whispers
In the candlelight as they fed
I saw the forgotten many
In the mansions of the dead

I watched her as she talked
I saw her emotions flicker
I thought and wondered why?
Do her angels and demons bicker?
I see a cloud of sadness float by
I wondered what does it teach?
What hand is on her shoulder?
And from where does it reach?

In the night I feel her
Breathing love and affection
Her legs curl around mine
Does she seek my protection
My prayers rise like incense
Quietly above her head
As she searches for the answers
In the mansions of the dead

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 18, 2017 at 1:27 pm

Fissure and Split

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kahlo-skull-bw

There’s a fissure and a split,
In the armour that I’ve built,
That makes me so restless now.
In the recesses of my mind,
Where fear scurries blind,
And darkness rises somehow.

There’s a tightness in my gut,
Of time racing and things ending, but,
I’ve a longing for forbidden things.
I hear the inexorable journey’s hiss,
To the darkness of the abyss,
And the sound while the banshee sings.

To that which I had completed,
To that which I had defeated,
And that which I must rise above now.
The cacophony of rejection,
As loneliness and non-acceptance,
Irrelevance and uselessness row.

I wrestle in my dreams now,
A dark demon that stalks and howls,
Suddenly stripped of my armour’s power.
I’m suddenly falling from on high,
Fearing multiple goodbyes,
Before hellos have finished their hour.

And yet I’m brave so I must rise,
To look my fears in the eyes,
And because I’m blessed to be alive.
I will stand and fight,
For love and the right,
To hold someone’s hand and smile.

Written by thus.i.wrote

November 22, 2016 at 9:26 am

Black Silk

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Never Too Dark To See

This human condition
In which we live
In which we know
This absurd condition

We watch ourselves grow
Live, love and decay
We hear echoes of eternity
In a dark universe of stars
We wonder, we cry out
For a father or mother
A creator to give us meaning
Someone to make us feel less alone

We push our boundaries
We compete for our space
We seek some control
For the world to remember us here
And so the river runs
Ever onward
And so the current pushes us
Ever onward

Now I’m alone at night
In the darkness
I feel the earth turn
Beneath me
I’m fading, fading into silk
Black silk

Written by thus.i.wrote

September 9, 2016 at 7:09 am

My World

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Johnny-Cash-FINAL

I was born naked
Naked in a frightening world
A world without obvious meaning
A world insecure
A world with no direction
A world of swirling forms
A world of noise and uncertainty

And so I built a house
To make sense of the world
And it became my world
With pillars strong
And I found others
Who shared my world
And together we built a city
To protect us
To give us meaning
To protect us from storms

But one day a big storm came
That knocked a pillar of my house down
That rocked my world
That separated me from the others
That forced me to look at the truth
To look at the darkness beyond my house
To look at the darkness beyond my city
And I saw death
I saw no obvious meaning
I saw I was alone
I saw the terrifying responsibility
Of my freedom
I saw the terrifying responsibility
Of finding my own way

For a while I went mad
And I sought distraction
In drink, in sex, in recreation
But, over time, came acceptance
Over time,  I found my new niche
Over time, I found a way to compete and serve
Over time, I built a new house
In a new city
With bigger windows
Over time, I let more light in.

Written by thus.i.wrote

August 4, 2016 at 9:03 am