Thus I Wrote

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Posts Tagged ‘fear

Fissure and Split

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kahlo-skull-bw

There’s a fissure and a split,
In the armour that I’ve built,
That makes me so restless now.
In the recesses of my mind,
Where fear scurries blind,
And darkness rises somehow.

There’s a tightness in my gut,
Of time racing and things ending, but,
I’ve a longing for forbidden things.
I hear the inexorable journey’s hiss,
To the darkness of the abyss,
And the sound while the banshee sings.

To that which I had completed,
To that which I had defeated,
And that which I must rise above now.
The cacophony of rejection,
As loneliness and non-acceptance,
Irrelevance and uselessness row.

I wrestle in my dreams now,
A dark demon that stalks and howls,
Suddenly stripped of my armour’s power.
I’m suddenly falling from on high,
Fearing multiple goodbyes,
Before hellos have finished their hour.

And yet I’m brave so I must rise,
To look my fears in the eyes,
And because I’m blessed to be alive.
I will stand and fight,
For love and the right,
To hold someone’s hand and smile.

Written by thus.i.wrote

November 22, 2016 at 9:26 am

Change

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Nick Cave

I did not always manage
To stop the damage
That my impatience had spread
My fears rushed on
I know it was wrong
And our love ruptured and bled

Like a finely tuned machine
I was good for a scene
But then something broke inside
I did not manage my fears
Oh, they cost me dear
But I’ve learned a lot on the ride

I’m glad I was kind to you
That I was steadfast and true
Cos this will stand the test of time
And it’s never too late
To grow and change our fate
To change some parts of our mind

Written by thus.i.wrote

September 11, 2016 at 9:21 am

My World

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Johnny-Cash-FINAL

I was born naked
Naked in a frightening world
A world without obvious meaning
A world insecure
A world with no direction
A world of swirling forms
A world of noise and uncertainty

And so I built a house
To make sense of the world
And it became my world
With pillars strong
And I found others
Who shared my world
And together we built a city
To protect us
To give us meaning
To protect us from storms

But one day a big storm came
That knocked a pillar of my house down
That rocked my world
That separated me from the others
That forced me to look at the truth
To look at the darkness beyond my house
To look at the darkness beyond my city
And I saw death
I saw no obvious meaning
I saw I was alone
I saw the terrifying responsibility
Of my freedom
I saw the terrifying responsibility
Of finding my own way

For a while I went mad
And I sought distraction
In drink, in sex, in recreation
But, over time, came acceptance
Over time,  I found my new niche
Over time, I found a way to compete and serve
Over time, I built a new house
In a new city
With bigger windows
Over time, I let more light in.

Written by thus.i.wrote

August 4, 2016 at 9:03 am

The Centre can’t Hold

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Things Fall Apart

The giant heavy wheel turns slowly
And I smell fear in the air
And many must make decisions
With no sage to guide them there

The cycle of birth and growth
Is relentless, ruthless and blind
Evolution asks many questions
I can’t answer in my small mind

They’re complacent and blind to change
They pushed too hard and too fast
They allowed the weeds to grow
And now they choke the flowers at last

It’s 100 years, that’s a century
Since the world fell apart
There’s a feeling of something similar
And there’s a feeling of a start

Change is in the nature of things
I cannot control how things unfold
I feel things fall apart again
I feel the centre can’t hold

Written by thus.i.wrote

June 2, 2016 at 10:16 am

My Reflection

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My Reflection

I asked if my Martini
Was shaken or slowly stirred
I tried understanding Pollock
And his views, of the world
In an apartment in Wall street
I waited for her, to allow
I used to worry much more then
I don’t worry, so much now

I held on to her
Like a crucifix of gold
But I held on too tight
Or so a sage, later told
On the stage I was anxious
For my turn, to take a bow
I used to worry much more then
I don’t worry, so much now

And I had this baggage
That I dragged behind
In a battered suitcase
That’s common enough, to find
But the skin, it was too thin
I felt uncomfortable, somehow
I used to worry much more then
I don’t worry, so much now

I was a little man
They said I was distant and mean
I was not honest enough
And my motives, were not clean
These seeds of change they buried
With the tip, of their plough
I used to worry much more then
I don’t worry, so much now

We said many things
That can never be unsaid
And who will forgive us now,
For all the mistakes, we’ve made?
I’ve prayed for some cool hand
To stroke, my fevered brow
I used to worry much more then
I don’t worry, so much now

Written by thus.i.wrote

March 15, 2015 at 6:12 pm

My Vampire Fears

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nosferatularge1-1024x799

I have fears
They are vampires
In the dark of my mind
But they shrivel
In the light
That is what I find

Can you call?
My vampires out?
With promises of love today?
If you ignore me
They will just grow
Despite what I say

So hold my hand
And let me in
To be a part of you
Listen to me
Please accept me
And all of my faults too

Oh Love
You are the balm
You’re the saviour of my soul
You bathe me
You soothe me
And you make me whole

Written by thus.i.wrote

February 25, 2015 at 5:23 pm

Fear, the Dark Demon

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angels-and-demons

Fears grow in the dark
Buried and out of sight
But they will shrivel
When brought into the light

Fears are part of us
To make us more effective
If we let them drain us
They’ll make us more defective

Fears may be demons
To possess our minds
But love will cast them out
To leave clarity behind

Written by thus.i.wrote

February 3, 2015 at 8:50 pm

I’m not Afraid of Death

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angels-and-demons2

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve heard the siren song
Of distraction and deception
And indiffererence for so long

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I counted out the bullets
But I did not cry

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I pulled the trigger
But I did not die

I’m not afraid of death
I will not know
The earth will stay
But I will go

I’m not afraid of death
I know not the hour
I tense and I flinch
Under its dark power

I’m not afraid of death
The spectre of decay
Losing independence
And the strength to share

I’m not afraid of death
The pull of that dark abyss
Will it be slow?
Or sudden and swift?

I’m not afraid of death
My turn in the sun
The end is not my will
But an unknown will be done

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I counted out the bullets
But I did not cry

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I pulled the trigger
But I did not die

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 30, 2015 at 10:07 pm

Posted in Poems, Poetry

Tagged with , , , , , ,

The Dying Of The Light

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Candlelight2

I spent most of my life in denial
I just lived in the moment while
Every minute of every day
I just lived and squeezed and made it pay
Because just like a red rose
I was built for a purpose

But often I rage and fight
Against the dying of the light
When I raise my eyes
When I look and realise
That beyond our sight
Is the darkness of the night

I have looked again and again
For someone with power to bargain
Someone to answer why
We live and why we die
But no-one heard my tune
I was howling at the moon

Sometimes I’m depressed and sad
When I think my future’s bad
When I feel that I’m alone
With nothing to offer anyone
But I won’t drink to forget
Or brush it under the carpet

Because it is a natural process
From which we can’t digress
And the final part is to accept
That nobody can escape death
So burn each day more bright
Until the dying of the light

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 27, 2015 at 7:00 pm

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock….(Abridged)

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Do I Dare

Let us go then you and I
With the evening spread out against the sky
Let us go, through the certain half deserted streets
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells
Oh do not ask “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

There will be time, there will be time
Beyond the fog that slides along the street
To prepare a face for the faces that we meet
Time for you and time for me
Before the taking of toast and tea
For a hundred indecisions
For a hundred visions and revisions

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

Time to wonder:”Do I dare?” and “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair
Do I dare, disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

Because I have known them already, known them all
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons
Heard their voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas

Would it have been worth it, after all
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me
Would it have been worth while?
To have bitten off the matter with a smile
To say: ” I am Lazarus, come from the dead”
If one, settling a pillow by her head
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all,
That is not it at all.”

I grow old…I grow old
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us and we drown.

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 21, 2015 at 12:08 pm