Thus I Wrote

You're never alone, if you've something to share

Posts Tagged ‘feelings

Actions Speak Louder

leave a comment »

ritahayworth_2007

Well the parting was disjointed
And of an apparent selfish design
Was it just a clumsy mistake?
Or something more planned and malign?
The magic left like a light going out
Like air from a hissing balloon
The barriers came crashing down
Rushing the warmth from the room

I was made redundant
My services not now required
This was a crash landing
Ice emerged from the fire
Such breathless, ruthless action
No time even to think
A sword taken to the chain
It cut straight through the link

Later when I resurfaced
After gut wrenching days
“Keep good memories of us”
“Don’t hate me”, she says
Her actions had spoken louder
They didn’t care what I thought
Was a dishonest bow-tied closure?
Now really what she sought?

“Oh, integrity’s important to me,
I don’t want you to feel used”
(Accepting no responsibility
But implying my feelings are confused)
I can forgive of course
But only with explicit request
And only with some recognition
That growth and change are a quest

Nothing can protect me now
Cos everything must change and end
But there are more loving ways
Of leaving the party at the bend
Something nags at her inside
Maybe it’s the karma that she’s won?
Somewhere she needs approval
Something’s yet unfinished and undone

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 19, 2017 at 2:04 pm

The Mansions of the Dead

leave a comment »

Mansions of the Dead 1932 by Paul Nash 1889-1946

I awoke and rose above
The detritus of the night
Half-remembered dreams
In the anxious half-light
I heard silent whispers
In the candlelight as they fed
I saw the forgotten many
In the mansions of the dead

I watched her as she talked
I saw her emotions flicker
I thought and wondered why?
Do her angels and demons bicker?
I see a cloud of sadness float by
I wondered what does it teach?
What hand is on her shoulder?
And from where does it reach?

In the night I feel her
Breathing love and affection
Her legs curl around mine
Does she seek my protection
My prayers rise like incense
Quietly above her head
As she searches for the answers
In the mansions of the dead

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 18, 2017 at 1:27 pm

Uneasy

leave a comment »

tunstall-kt

When you parted from me
I felt uneasy
Incomprehensibly
I felt uneasy

We’d connected tentatively
Then more deeply
All too briefly
More deeply

We rode wildly,
We fell differently
You and me
Differently

Have you taken from me?
All you needed from me?
Unquestionably
All you needed from me?

What do you think when you see?
Your memories?
Playing timelessly?
In your memories?

We’re moving on freely,
Moving on differently
You and me
Differently

Since you parted from me,
I’ve felt uneasy
Instinctively
I’ve felt uneasy

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 15, 2017 at 12:12 pm

Berlin Scars

leave a comment »

berlin-mural-3-bw

Driving through a blizzard of snow
A blizzard of snow
To black clouds I go

Berlin appears a bit austere
A bit austere
But then you appear

I saw the scars of wars
The scars of wars
The scars…

Saw man’s evil laid on the ground
Laid on the ground
Dark memories all around

And God’s inspired beauty nearby
God’s beauty nearby
Candle smoke rose high

I saw the scars of wars
The scars of wars
The scars…

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 14, 2017 at 6:54 pm

No Words Left

leave a comment »

sad-germania-bw

I’ve no words left
After how we parted
I’m alone at sea
Trust’s now re-started

What now of my needs?
What now of yours?
The contract’s broken
Back knocking on doors

“Lovely, lovely memories”
Yes…you’re so right
They shine so bright
In this cold turkey night

Of course it’s my shit
I know it’s mine to manage
In this cold empty silence
I will limit the damage

We lived wild for a time
We trusted each other
In a brief oasis of time
We enjoyed each other

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 12, 2017 at 5:29 pm

Things Fade

leave a comment »

berlin-dome-dove-2

Alexanderplatz in the snow
Berlin Cathedral on show
Grey sky, Blue stars appear

Near Frankfurter Tor
Something began to stir
We drank beers and examined our years

I lost myself…I lost myself

We give so much
Now what’s left of us?
As we fit in and survive we said

Later we stared at that dome
And talked of our homes
And how our past pulls and things fade

I lost myself…I lost myself

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 11, 2017 at 12:26 pm

Two Candles in Berlin

leave a comment »

two-candles-in-berlin-2-bw

I lit two candles for Lana,
There, in snowy Berlin,
My prayers mingled with the smoke,
That rose in the quiet space therein.

I get impatient,
Trying to connect true,
When games get in the way,
Of what is beautiful in you.
I wanted you to be real,
I don’t like false layers,
But I know I asked too much,
So my patience was my prayer.

Lana, I think you’re unhappy
You know how to survive,
How to protect yourself,
And to economically thrive.
But love is much misunderstood,
Have you ever known real love?
One that nurtures and grows,
Signified by that dove?
You were an intelligent, sensitive child,
Lost in a big boisterous family,
In a rough, striving environment,
Who listened to you intently?
Did you grow too hard a shell?
To protect yourself in there?
I wonder at your loneliness
So your happiness was my prayer.

Ruthless

leave a comment »

ruthless-1-bw

I’m not that ruthless
I’m not as decisive as you
I worried that if I jumped
Your fall could hurt you
And I was trying to take stock
I was trying to understand
I was trying to hold on
Trying to hold your hand
I was trying to stay on
As we were thrown about
I was honest, I could’ve lied
In my confusion and my doubt

I’m not that cool
I’ll say I’ve been hurt by you
I’ll say I miss you
I’ll say I want to see you
There were too many questions
I could feel you slipping
Then we were falling
We could hear things ripping
I gave all I could
I really cared about you
But I knew this could end
With only hurt to hold on to

I ‘m not that confident
I can’t say it will be fine
No, I need to see much further
Right on down the line
I don’t close my eyes and jump
No, I look before I leap
And maybe he who hesitates is lost
But we gotta choose what we sow and reap
This is another defeat
But we have not lost
Let’s remember the dream
Let’s forget the cost

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 8, 2017 at 4:07 pm

In Berlin

leave a comment »

brandenberg-gate-bw

There was snow on the ground
Blue sky and sun all around
Was that the reason my blood was so thin?
I drank from the cup
Before I tried to get up
Why did I feel so exhausted there in Berlin?

They smoked outside in the snow
Then into cool music they go
They could hide cos the light was so dim
They kissed and caressed
She moaned and she pressed
There was a decadence there in Berlin

They gave, it seemed a lot
Fruit’s always juicy before the rot
I finished the song Ruthless to sing
The buildings big and clear
It was all a bit functional and austere
I’d a lot of mixed feelings there in Berlin

Beneath the cathedral dome
In high renaissance like Rome
The organ could let God hear us sing
Outside in the snow
Past blue stars I go
I found some peace and beauty there in Berlin

I dreamt of Lana del Rey
How I became her prey
Her vulnerability hid her desire to win
But though I know about love
Signified by that dove
I shivered with the cold there in Berlin

I lit two candles to show
That love can grow
And that closed games are such a sin
I offered up two prayers
A symbol of how much I care
Such warmth was needed there in Berlin

Written by thus.i.wrote

January 8, 2017 at 3:47 pm