Thus I Wrote

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Posts Tagged ‘first love

Playing in the Shallows

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Paul Newman_2

We nurtured apple trees
In the late summer sun
She studied horticulture
My study was just done
She smoked brown cigarillos
I thought she was cool
She smiled enigmatically
I felt an uncertain fool

I fancied her but I hid
As I tried to be aloof
Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman
They were my guiding proof
I was very inexperienced
Very clumsy with emotions
I played in the shallows
Afraid of drowning in her ocean

We got together somehow
In that summer long and hot
I was leaving Ireland
Our time together was so short
To a play in the Abbey
We chose a film together later
We drank our first wine
We laughed & tipped the waiter

We kissed in the dark
On the grass in Trinity college
What’s next for us she whispered?
I do not know, I acknowledged
She asked…can you stay?
But I wouldn’t be deflected
Now I see a candle light
Brighter now than when rejected

I was so tentative
I was feeling my way
She seemed confident and sure
Whispering to me as we lay
Her tenderness surprised me
As did her young desire
With her warmth radiating
Through her jeans like a fire

The smoky passion of her kiss
Said maybe she wanted more
But I was so much younger then
And inexperienced to my core
We tearfully kissed goodbye
Along the quays I was blown
To catch the last bus home
I thought of her…alone.

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Written by thus.i.wrote

November 12, 2015 at 11:35 am

I’m Not In Love

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I'm-Not-In-Love

“I’m not in love”, so the song said
As we danced through our time spent
In the dimly lit country hall
Where I asked you what it meant.
You smiled and you explained
Oh..you were so new on the scene
You had red hair and freckles
You were 15 to my, oh so mature, 17

We laughed a lot together
We had something I needed
In my heart I felt something new
But I’d not learned how to read it.
I ripped away all who wanted me then
In a dark field I was blind
For a physical and mature experience
I left your innocence behind

And I often wonder why
And I often regret
The voice calling in the darkness
“A nice bit of fluff” my dad said…
I was 21, I asked her to my party…
But like some movie oversight
She waited for me as I expected her
And so we passed like ships in the night.

A year earlier I was a fool
I asked someone honourable to break
I wanted her to leave another
She knew it would be a mistake…
Now she moves in my shadows
My ghost from my yesterday
Alive but dead to my touch
In a picture that will never decay

Written by thus.i.wrote

November 11, 2015 at 9:44 pm

My First Love

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Rita Hayworth

You were my first love
I didn’t know it then
I was a bundle of energy
And uncertainty when,
I kissed your face
And I wanted too much
Distracted by others
That I needed to touch.

You’re in my thoughts
I always compare
I always wonder
If I had you there
But I was uncertain
I had too much fear
That left me blind
And let no one near.

You married a man
Who gave up his life
To adore and cherish you
His life, was his wife
I could not give so
Too selfish, I guess
My tunnel vision
In your eyes made me less.

I’m a bit of a loner
Only giving so much
I don’t want to be alone
But accept it as such.
I love in my way
But am drawn to understand
The futility of why?
These cards in my hand?

I find few truths
But love is one, clear
That which we give
And those we hold dear
I’ve studied my fears
Helped by wise men
And now is there time?
For me to love again?

Written by thus.i.wrote

March 13, 2014 at 8:24 am