Posts Tagged ‘life’
A New Beginning of Sorts
At 61 I chose to live on the top floor of a big house on the top of a hill with a view of Alexandra Palace and the Sky. There was no lift and three flights of stairs from the street to the top floor.
I could walk to my partner’s flat down the hill to the left and to Crouch End village down the hill to the right, both within 10 mins.
Following my illness I had gambled on my health being good for at least 10 years into the future. I had chosen to position myself ready for the next challenge. I had chosen to reinvent myself. The future was uncertain with only the ultimate end clear. My recent past was turbulent.
I chose a base that did not require too much work. However, while it had much that was new, there was still much to do. It took more time and effort than I had anticipated. It would take a while before I would feel safe. Before I would consider it home.
Non Serviam
“Nobody gives it to ya,
Ya gotta take it”
That’s the ‘law’
That’s how you make itAnd they took too much
With cruelty and the gun
Then with inheritance
And with organisationI had no monopoly
Or old money to fire
I’d only innovation
And a work ethic for hire
Inexorably
I know it’s in the distance
Where the earth meets the sky
Sometimes I glimpse it
In the corner of my eyeAnd so I distract myself
With everyday things
With learning & entertainment
With words and with stringsStill, inexorably I’m pulled
Into the wilderness
To the twisted shapes moving
I see the twilight confessAnd yet on the journey
When I hold your hand
Something somehow changes
I feel a meaning I understand
Remember to Breathe
Life is unknowable
Like a Zen Garden grows
Life is unknowable
It comes, and it goes
The Way’s much more
Than the End achieves
I know the Cherry Blossom
It flowers, and then leavesI must remember
I must remember to breathe.
I must remember
I must remember to breathe
To avoid those, who will deceive
To work on, what I believe
To give more, than I receive
And remember, remember to breathe
I’d Nearly Died
I was slowing down
I slept at wrong times
I forgot many things
I forgot my lines
And then I awoke
With you by my side
And a blinking blue light
…I’d nearly diedI remember being wet
They cut my pants off
I faded in and out
Many hours were lost
In my head was something
It was growing inside
My behaviour changed
…I’d nearly diedFrom friends and family
A love I didn’t expect
I ordered my affairs
For what might come next
I was glad to wake up
I shivered on the slide
I’d bled too much
…I’d nearly diedThen came steroids
Not much sleep at all
But very dark dreams
I passed out in a fall
The hospital staff
Helped as I tried
As I recovered slowly
…I’d nearly diedToo much to say
Too intense and raw
Over days and months
I struggled with it all
But you were there
You held me when I cried
As you struggled to cope
Cos I’d nearly died
We are not Alone
I don’t like it much
The destruction, the division and the deceit
But does that make me
One of the Liberal Elite?I don’t like it much
All the insults & the lack of respect
But does that make me
Too Politically Correct?I don’t like it much
The noise all around
All the ignorance and the lies
But empty vessels make most soundThere’s never enough time under the sun
We all leave this place with much undone
With visceral feelings of roads not taken
But we’re not alone and we’re not forsakenLo, There do I see my Father
Lo, There do I see my Mother
And My Sisters and my Brothers
Lo, There do I see the line
Of my people back in time
Lo, They do they call to me
To take my place in the halls of Eternity
Where our enemies have been vanquished
Where the brave shall live forever
Where the truth shall reign
Where there’s beauty and no pain
Where we shall not mourn but rejoice
For we have lived a good life.I’ve squandered my days with plans of many things
And I did not plan for this, but now I vow to live it well
For all that I ought to have thought, and have not thought;
For all that I ought to have said, and have not said;
For all that I ought to have done, and have not done;
I ask for forgiveness.
Fractured Narratives
We argued last night
We tore more things apart
We found more anger
We found fear and pain in our hearts
And our shared reality
Is now a fractured one
We cannot communicate
Now understanding’s all goneThe leaves blow in the wind
I can see them fly
And Winter is coming
I can see it in the sky
We hide in entertainment
In provocation and distraction
To avoid what’s coming
We huddle in factionsSomething’s fractured,
Spinning out of control
In the future we planned
In the narratives we told.
In the winds of change
I’m still holding on
And I still have dreamsThere’s a darkness
Hidden deep in us all
Maybe we won’t recognise
Those who make the call
Those who summon it to rise
Like a hungry dog to feed
Those who hide in the shadows
So they won’t bleedSomething’s fractured,
Spinning out of control
In the future we planned
In the narratives we told.
In the winds of change
I’m still holding on
And I still have dreamsFake enemies are blamed
In a circus of simple lies
To hide a complex world
That doesn’t fit our size
Fake Gods are raised
And fake futures are portrayed
Sold by fake prophets
Demanding “blind faith”.On the ocean I’m free
But I’m also alone
And so I trade some freedom
To build flesh on bare bone
And in agreeing to build
And in agreeing to share
We must walk a fine line
Not to lose ourselves out thereWe call out, we call out
But the answer comes back empty
And so I turn to you
And you turn to me
I know you have your truth,
And I have mine
But it’s a shared truth
That we must find
