Posts Tagged ‘wife’
To One I Once Loved
I can’t talk to you now, it hurts too much.
We’ve tried to talk together about basic stuff
But we get lost down some dark maze
Of misunderstandings and hurtful ways.
Instead of your beauty and your grace
I see the dormant anger in your face.I’ve no blame left for you over this deep cut
But I feel pain and have guilt deep in my gut
Yes and I’ve despair over all that’s died
‘Cos once we were cool, side by sideChristmas was harder in this Winter rain
As memories washed over me again
I was numb ’til now but then something restarted
I finally told a friend that we had parted
It was a punch to the heart as it all rose up again
A complex mixture of sorrow and of shame
Oh I hope this year that we’ll restart our lives
I think I’m ready but demons may still arise.Oh I can hope but I cannot trust completely.
I can still be loud when I should say things discreetly
I’ve tried to change but I say things carelessly
I’ve been swimming against a current ceaselesslySomeday we’ll meet and talk of old times
And you’ll enjoy your time and I’ll enjoy mine
But now in your heart there’s still a bend
And that’ll take some time for you to mendI hate how my wrong word you didn’t need
Somehow killed off my history of good deeds
How you drew lines where I felt I could only lose
With loved ones on different sides and saying “now choose”
And how you felt betrayed when I tried to still
Our turbulent family waters with logic and willWell I can be kind and I can do the right thing
Sometimes with you I was guilty of forgetting
You’re a good woman and you’ve a good heart
Still you found all those things in me that kept us apart
And I don’t know why, but it all went black
I wish I could change it and turn it all back
I haven’t forgotten you laughing in my arms
And I haven’t forgotten your beauty and your charms
But now I’ve bought new clothes to stir my blood
And I’ll paint in bright colours, it’s time I should.Oh I can hope but I cannot trust completely.
Life is messy and rarely happens neatly
But I’ll go forward fearlessly
And swim against the current ceaselessly
Fruit
Pass me that old red wine
In our room of light and shade
Where we joined all night before
On our stained bed now unmade
I smell uneaten cheese
And see flesh oozing quietly
I worship on an unswept floor
As you open your legs slightlyThe nippled mound of breast
On a belly curve alighting
Above unshaven hair curling
And lips, dark and inviting
I smell the musk of mother earth
Dappled under sun brightly
I feel the swell of blood again
As you open your legs slightlyI’ve stripped layers from you
To reach your unnourished soul
I’ve reached deep inside you
To join you and make you whole
I feel you cry and tense your legs
I glide on our sweat quietly
I explode inside you again
As you open your eyes slightly
The Mourning Bride 2
Nothing else exists now, even death is spurned
My raging silent storm will scorch and burn
Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.The promises we made as we faced each other
I offered my mind and my body to you
Our lives we joined as we faced each other
I offered to cherish and to love youAh. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my beauty wasted on you?
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my love wasted on you?Who will give me justice for this affair?
Why did you cheat and lie with her?
Did I not love and cherish you more ?
Is my fading beauty not enough anymore?I stare into a future on a lonely shelf
I cry with grief and I hold on to myself
I was beginning to like the self I had learned
But now doubts and questions have returnedAh. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my beauty wasted on you?
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my love wasted on you?
The End of a Page
And now it seems strange
But yesterday you were mine
And tomorrow you’ll be gone
But I know you’ll be fineIts not the end of my book
Just the end of a page
I gave to the world
And this is my wage
I’ll turn it over
And to the top I’ll go
I’ll read on without you
But I’ll read on slowI fell from the top
Of your shiny glass wall
I held on too tight
‘Til it wasn’t me at allIts not the end of my book
Just the end of a page
I gave to the world
And this is my wage
I’ll turn it over
And to the top I’ll go
I’ll read on without you
But I’ll read on slowI eat bread with olives
And drink wine now and then
As the sun sinks on the terrace
I remember you back whenIts not the end of my book
Just the end of a page
I gave to the world
And this is my wage
I’ll turn it over
And to the top I’ll go
I’ll read on without you
But I’ll read on slow
We’re not Wrong
Shared my life with you
But that’s all over now
Lately, we didn’t love much
And now we’ve forgotten howWe met way back when
We were almost young
And we so wanted love
That together we clungWe were driven by desires
We didn’t fully understand
We were tripped by feelings
We never could commandWas love just the drug
That made us forget?
All of the differences
That we came to regret?We weren’t always right
But we were right for each other
And now we’re not wrong
But we’re wrong for each other
Autumn Cross
Your words explode in my head
And I freeze with pain…
My stomach’s in a knot
And I’m back here againLike a knife on a taut rope
Back and forth until I fall
Into the lonely darkness
Surrounded by a dark wallSuch warmth and such joy
You offer on a good day
But on a dark day a knife
That makes me hurt & pay
That makes me lose myself
And my demons to recover
Who take my voice
Who launch and takeover..Your every word an arrow
Shot true and sharp
Cut through my defence
And straight into my heartI was slow and feeble
Against your rapier thrusts
Before I knew where I was
I was hooked on unjust
I had responded
In a battle I did not choose
And it was a battle
That I would always loseYou force a crisis
You ignore my pleas
You parry my defence
You thrust and seize
Your satisfaction prize
You see my wound bleed
You see me hurt silent
“Oh Stay… let me feed…”
You think “Its your fault
By all that you do,
I forget my pain
By inflicting it on you”.And so I withdraw
To let my wounds heal
To analyse and to write
To process what I feelGrey limestone celtic cross
Grey cold autumn day
Leafless trees sway
And crows fly awayIs this my only monument?
As this cold silence bleeds
Above where the worms breed?
Where the earth waits to feed?Is there no love?
A transaction of give and take
No forgiveness for our sins
And so our hearts just breakIs this the autumn?
A foreboding of winter ahead
The life and colours of Summer
All now blown and fled.
The Contract
Did you break it?
And did you betray?
Or actually did I, then?
I was just in your way?When we signed
What did we actually agree?
How would I love you?
And how would you love me?If I don’t make you happy
Are you free to go?
Free to find your happiness
And step on me as you go?We had a written contract
And a commitment called marriage
But when love went out the window
The wheels came off that carriageWas the real contract written
In blood, in our hearts?
And when the blood, it cooled
You decided we should partI was hurt and I was angry
And fearful of course
But of our faults together
I believe we share the sourceI want now to heal
So I will let go
Of all anger and blame
And this takes time I know…
Trust
She has no filter
She thinks something,
And then she just says it.
I consider the options
The plus and minus then,
The moment is lost with it.There’s a time to filter
And then there is,
A time to let the world know.
Trust is built on
Knowing how to predict,
Where the other will go.If I calculate
Or I prevaricate,
I create distance and fear.
Sometimes it’s better
To say what you feel,
To allow your loved ones near.I must clear my mind
Of the clutter and distance,
And the blockage in our way.
I’ve a deep well of love
But they must know it,
In small ways every day.
The Aftermath
Let’s go to sleep
I was appealing
Oh, please tell me
What you’re feeling(It was the aftermath
In the moonlight
And my eyes were heavy
After our loving night)Are you happy
With how we are?
Yes, of course darling
Together we’ve come farTell me your dreams
What do you believe?
What do you want?
And hope to receiveUh…What…?
It’s late & this is deep
Let’s just agree…
To cuddle and to sleepBut I’m afraid…
And it’s lonely if I hide
I need your love
To fill the emptiness insideUh…Did I dream?
Did you want some tea?
I’ve been working so hard
And I’m so sleepy…you see?I drifted off to sleep
So I couldn’t see her
As she turned over quietly
And wiped away her tear
Lustrous Brown – The Parting
I remember the cracks
You felt out of control
You felt lonely and hurt
And you blamed my roleSo did I not love you?
Enough to stop your fear grow?
Did I let the emptiness
Creep into your soul?Or was there a seed sown
In your lonely childhood?
That so choked your heart
And so froze your blood?But by what strange alchemy
Can we so change our state?
From such bright love
To such anger and hate?So as we drew our lines
And we fought to stalemate
Our union became a patient
That we dissected on a plateBut still, it felt a shock
Like a punch to the heart
I thought we could mend
But you said we must part
